Sunday, September 14, 2008

Infertility doesn't make sense to a 7 year old

Friday night, we babysat our niece and nephew overnight, while Uncle and Auntie had a wedding. It was so much fun. Abby is turning into an even more beautiful and smart 7 year old. Friday night, I mentioned something to CJ about my shots of Lupron in the upcoming morning. Abby overheard, and when she heard "shots" she immediately perked up and said shots? Auntie, are you trying to have another baby?. She ran and gave me a hug and was visibly so excited for us.

Saturday morning, she requested that she watch Uncle give me my Lupron shot. Yes, CJ gives me the shots, because the feeling of giving myself the shot, well, it makes me very queasy. Eww. Cannot even think about this right now. Anyhoo.....Abby remembered a few years ago when Uncle had to give me shots, because a few times, we had to do the progesterone shots in my butt at their house, and she loved watching. Nothing like having an audience of children as you get your ass shot up with a 10 inch needle. Ha. Anyhoo. The kids watched Saturday AM as Uncle (CJ) quickly shot the Lupron in me, and that was that. Abby remained quiet for a few minutes, and then, as she sat on the stairs where Keifer so loves to pose, she asked me, Auntie, do all girls have to have babies?
I answered her: no, honey, not all girls have to have babies, that's a choice you get to make when you're older.
Good, because I don't ever want to have shots to have a baby, I don't like shots.

Of course, I quickly corrected her. I reminded her that Auntie has eggs that didn't want to work the right way, so to help her get a baby, Auntie had to get shots. And, did Abby remember Auntie Mooshie, whom she had met that summer we conceived Keifer, and did she remember how Auntie Mooshie helped us get a baby in my tummy? She did, and she remembered the book I had shared with her. I explained as gently as I could that there was another nice lady out there who was sharing HER Eggs with us this time, so we could try to have another cousin for her to play with. She seemed to understand this. I also reassured her that most likely, she won't have to do shots to have babies if she wants them someday

As I write this, the emotion of her saying this, so vehemently and honest and true, it hits my heart like a ton of bricks. In her mind, her beautiful, intelligent maturing mind, to her: because her Auntie has to get shots to have a baby, then all women must have to get shots to have babies. The look of confusion and fear (of the shots!) was plain as day on her face, and you could see the wheels were turning in her mind as she contemplated the idea of taking injections in order to "make" a baby. It makes me cry typing this out, and my heart is crumbling into small pieces that Abby thinks this way that is the norm. But I suppose, to a 7 year old who doesn't quite "get" the birds and the bees yet, this must be how you achieve a pregnancy?

Later, as I thought about this, I reflected on what I had told her. Whose to say she won't need any assistance when getting PG if she wants to someday? It's not like I ever thought I would need help achieving a pregnancy to make the family I so desired my whole life. Whose to say that she might not have issues with her fertility? I pray to God that she doesn't have any problems, because I wouldn't wish the pain and heartbreak of this journey we've had on anyone.


Wendy and Karen said...

You are seriously the best Auntie in the world.

I'm proud to join your Followers.

Marketing Mama said...

It is sad that she thought that was normal but it sounds like you handled it very, very well. You are a great auntie!

kristine said...

You handled that very well. At least it seems so. Way to go.

Piccinigirl said...

wow, my tears are flowing too. Our neices are between 12 and 16 and it still takes a lot to explain how the boys were conceived. I tell them all the time, this was just the way Aunt Kir had to do it..but then I too, say a silent prayer that they never had to deal with IF. It's too much to deal with at 38, let alone at 16.

I think the way you describe and listen and really talk to her is incredible. You are an amazing person...and all the angels better be listening this week.



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