White clouds and hot glue guns

ET day:

Saturday AM, I woke up feeling like I was going to throw up at any minute (see previous entry). Ugg. It was horrible. I emptied my bladder and started downing my water intake. I took my 3 Advil at the appropriate time, and then CJ and I got on the road for the 30 minute trek up to our clinic in Woodbury. I popped my 2 valium at 10:45 and we were on time, scheduled to arrive for check in at 11:00. Well, construction on the bridge across the Mississippi river (which has been taking years to finish), decided not to let us arrive on time. We sat there in traffic backed up for 20 minutes. I was swearing and growling and ready to jump out and walk to the clinic (not really, but still). CJ tried calming me down, but I was hyped up. Of course, I knew they wouldn't or couldn't actually DO the ET without me. But still, the principal of the matter was driving me crazy. At this point, I also realized the Valium was indeed kicking in because my eyes were feeling a little bit more tired at this point.
Finally, we arrived at the clinic. I jumped out of the truck, eager to speed walk into the clinic and get these damn embryos inside me, and WHOA, Nelly, my legs felt like noodles. Oye. I guess the Valium really HAD kicked in. LOL . It was a funny feeling. We walked in and the nurse was literally waiting for us at the front desk with our chart and immediately escorted us to the ET room. It was like any other room there, with a ultrasound monitor, the standard table with stirrups, and stools for DH's to sit on. I quickly did my undress from the waist down routine (I think I've now done this at clinics over 100 times, no lie) and put on my socks, because I don't' like cold feet. LOL. CJ sat next to me, and the nurse and the embryologist came in to double check my ID tag, so that they can confirm that my embryos are indeed MY embryos. I had to give my birthdate and social security ##, and they were convinced I was indeed who I said I was.

The nurse told us that out of the eggs they retrieved, only 6 made it to a fertilization stage. Out of the 6, only 4 of them fertilized. The nurse said this is typical; she said with ICSI, usually 75% fertilize, so 4 was a decent number (I guess). However, one of the 4 stopped growing at a 3 cell division, leaving us with one 8 cell embryo, one 6 cell and one 5 cell. Of course, I never thought to ask what grade (quality) they were , and that information was not offered. As we were listening to the nurse, the embryologist came back into the room. She had Dr. S with her as well, and he proceeded to insert the speculum with the nurse narrating what exactly he was doing as he was doing this (looking back, I realize the nurse did this for Michele during the ER as well, narrating each move the doc makes). I felt nothing. Then, the nurse had the ultrasound machine on top of my tummy (thank goodness) and we could see that my bladder was full, but not "too" full and didn't need any more water. Then, the embryologist handed the doctor the embryos in a catheter-type tube, and they inserted all 3 embryos inside my uterus. You could see it on the screen and you can see it in a picture that we got from them -- this little white speck inside my uterus under my full bladder.

That was it. Very easy and fast. The nurse gave us a picture of the three embryos and I was to lie there on the table for about 10 minutes. The nurse gave us the instructions and we were able to leave. CJ was sweet. He was mother henning me the whole time. He helped me into our SUV, and made sure I was completely flat on my back driving home. I immediately picked up my cell phone, left a few messages for people, and talked to my parents and a few others (I honestly don't really remember making the calls *blush). I mumbled that I really was craving Arby's (a big beef), so apparently I snoozed because the next thing I knew, we were 25 minutes south, closer to home, going through first a McDonald's drive thru (yum, I munched on those salty fries), and then the Arby's drive through for my beef. I chowed that down, while remaining pretty much low down, and we got home. The dogs were so excited to see me. CJ escorted me up to our room, I changed into my PJ's, and got into bed. CJ made sure I had plenty of water, movies, remotes, phones, and my MP3 player. Treble was so happy and goofy about me being home, he even laid with his legs across my belly immediately, almost as if he "knew" I had precious cargo inside there.

I put on my MP3 player headphones and started listening to the Zen and Sound Healing. Immediately I was lights out, because the next thing I knew, CJ was standing there, telling me that I had my cell phone right next to my head ringing away and I never heard it. He said he came up to see if I wanted him to take it, and tried waking me, but I was snoring *the horror, I never snore!*. LOL. I was out cold. I slept a few more hours and then got up to use the bathroom. I was spotting a bit, but that was normal. I haven't spotted since then. Of course, Dr. CJ yelled at me to get back into bed, and he did NOT want me to even have my legs up with a pillow. Geesh, yes sir. LOL.

CJ and Mooshie went to get some Leanne Chin for dinner , and CJ came home with a flower bouquet for me. He said he walked by it and saw that it was called the "Trio bouquet" so how could he NOT get it? It's a sign, right? I spent the rest of that night lying in bed, watching 2 movies and then back to sleep.

I was able to graduate to the couch yesterday (Sunday) for the day. A friend of mine visited with her 2 1/2 year old, which made me laugh a lot, and she also brought me a beautiful plant. Mooshie and Missy were at the MOA with the rest of our MN mommy friends, and I guess they were all asking about how I was doing. The cool thing is, apparently there was an elderly gentlemen sitting at a table next to them, and he told the girls that he was in town because his daughter had just given birth to triplets. Hmmmm. Triplets born on the day I had 3 embies inserted into me. The rest of the day, we just hung out and Moosh took care of my while CJ left for softball. We enjoyed some lasagne, garlic bread, and watching part of "Wedding Crashers" while Maddie napped, since I'm insistent that she watches it while she's here. Plus, Vince makes me laugh and I need the laughter. I had a few moments last night of freaking out again. I had no idea where it came from, just the tears and fear crept up on me. I know we have so many prayers and so many things have lined up so perfectly for us, this has to work. But I still had the demon of fear creep inside me.

Today, I was able to get up and move about. Not moving for 2 days really weakened me surprisingly, and I felt very woozy all day. I've been feeling crampy in my uterine area, but I refuse to accept that they might mean something, because after 6 IUI's, I had cramping after every one, and every one was a failure. I had my Reiki session today, and it really helped my thoughts. I told my Reiki lady what I've been feeling. She was adamant that I DO NOT allow negative thought to enter my mind, and to think positive. While she was beginning her process, her hands on my head, she stopped and said, "Carrie, can you imagine yourself inside your uterus?". I said when I tried, I saw white, like white puffy clouds. She said to hold on to that visualization and take the embryo visuals and visualize them sticking inside the white puffy clouds, sticking to me and making a baby. I tried so hard to visualize this the whole time, but I still need to work on it. When we were finished, I felt so much more positive and stress-free and relaxed. She asked me if I had imagined them sticking. I said I was trying to, and that while she had her hands on my uterus area, I could feel this "heat" down there. She said, yes, lots of heat, and she then said "You just hot glue those suckers to stick, and get inside your uterus". LOL. I love her, but she has a point. So I came home, hung out with Moosh and CJ for a bit, and then took a 3 hour nap, dreaming of hot glue guns and babies forming inside my uterus.