Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Now it makes some sense to me

Mooshie wrote to me the other day, and in her note, she basically summed up the feelings I've been having, moving down Donor path #2, and it made perfect sense. I've been feeling so sad and grieving the loss of not using her body again for this next attempt, and she compared it to her being the "ex" girlfriend, the "first love" that has been moved on from, and now we're onto our second "girlfriend" , if you will. It doesn't affect our relationship with girlfriend #2, but we'll always have our "first" and the bittersweet feelings from that relationship, as we move into our second one.

Here's what she said: What we had and have will always be special. I will always be your first.

She hit the nail right on the head. We all went down the path of IVF cycle #1, babes in the woods, scared and hopeful, and somewhat clueless as to what to expect. We trekked our way through the forest together, and came out the other side stronger, closer, wiser and PG. Thank you, dear Mooshie, for understanding so completely what the feelings I've been having are, and for being able to communicate them in a way that makes sense to other people. Now, it's like we were forced to "break up", if you will, and what I've been mourning is the loss of the "what if's" of our future.

Mooshie is also feeling sad that she isn't able to be our donor this time, but she did tell me that she is so excited that Kerry will *hopefully* be our donor: I think this is the way it's supposed to be. I think Kerry is the absolute perfect option for you....kind, funny, giving, caring, pretty, smart, quirky...and nearby. She obviously has awesome eggs and look at how cute her kids are. I've been following her blog for a long time so feel like I know her, too!! I feel like this is the journey meant for you.

CJ and I are very blessed that we have had these angels in our life offer to help us with a part of themselves, and its still amazing to me. Now let's hope and pray this second journey works as well as the first, and we are celebrating in another year, the possibility of Coco and/or Finn.

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