Monday, December 17, 2007

Female post ahead: major talk (beware if you are a male!)

When it rains depressing -news weather, it pours.

I went to my OB Nurse Practitioner (Addie) today, because I've been having crazy, whack AF (Aunt Flo) cycles since I had Keifer in April. I bled for the average amount of time for her, and had two back-to-back 30 day cycles. I started charting again, because Lord knows that "since my body was 'tricked' into having a baby, maybe I'd get lucky and be able to have one on my own". Um, yeah, ain't gonna happen. Addie thinks I'm Anovulatory, which would make perfect sense, because I've been having anywhere from 12 day cycles from start to finish, to 53 day cycles, complete with a major amount of heavy-duty brownish/black spotting in between there.

Unfortunately, this is my body without drugs.

When I was 16, I was put on the pill (birth control, that is) because of whack cycles and had to stay on it in order to maintain regularity with my AF. When CJ and I started TTC, I never thought I'd have to be a major junkie (to fertility meds) to even have a baby. Drugs to stimulate ovaries and try, drugs to suppress my own ovaries to try. Up and down. Sticks and pokes and swallows. This sucks. It sucks majorly. (*sigh*). Three years, and one donor egg cycle later, we were blessed with our Keifer girl. But my body has apparently developed a sick co-dependency type relationship with those fertility drugs; ahh, you estrogen, you progesterone, you stimulating hormone drugs, you. My body doesn't' seem to want to work for me when I really want it to in the worst way. And yeah, we plan on going back next Spring for more baby stuff, most likely with an anonymous donor, but shit, I didn't want to have to consider going on the Pill NOW in this stage of the game. I've gained and lost and then gained enough weight to keep me happy for now, thank you very much. *sigh again*.

So I left a message for non-to-reliable coordinator at my fertility clinic letting them know the stats on my crazy-ass body and what do they want me to do aka which birth control pill?

And the icing on the crappy cake for this week? Oh yeah, after 3+ years of CHRONIC Bacterial Vaginosis infections, it's back. I suspected as much last month when I thought I had a UTI, but I didn't. The symptoms are like this with me (feels like a developing UTI). *sigh for the third time* So back on antibiotics and anti-yeast drugs (because the meds always make me develop a sweet little yeast infection).

It's Monday? I feel like I living in a dream world today, stumbling around like a crazy girl, getting all these shitty bits of news from every which way I turn. Seriously, I had to ask CJ what day it was and did I truly work today? It seemed like eons ago.

The happy part of my day? Keifer and the puppers, of course. Thank God for my joys. And my CJ, of course. He's currently upstairs wrestling a half-naked, freshly washed squiggle worm into her pajamas and putting her to bed, so I can clean the kitchen and eat.

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails