Friday, June 29, 2007

Worth the wait - and worth the love

On the evening following the birth of my egg donor's son, Alex, I sit here thanking God and thanking Mooshie for allowing me to even THINK about the chance of being a mother to our angel, Keifer. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of our Egg Retrieval and our Embryo Transfer - and it is honestly hard to fathom that its been a whole year already. A whole year in which I was lucky enough to experience a full term + Pregnancy, give birth to my Keifer Lynn, and hear about the birth of her 1/3 sibling, brother Alex, on the West Coast.

As Keifer sits here, whining in her swing because she needs a nap and is fighting a good fight against sleep, my heart swells when I think about the picture that Mooshie text messaged me on our phones of her newborn, Alex: he is the spitting image of his 2 1/2 year old sister, Maddie and quite possibly, Keifer MIGHT look like him. We shall see (in better pictures). For me, this brings my heart pure joy - joy that in the unknown future of whether CJ and I will be able to give her a true sibling, she has a new "extended" family, if you will -Mooshie's children are connected to her through the egg that their mother gave us to create Keifer.

Some may be appalled at the thought of this. Luckily, we were blessed enough to have an egg donor who was so special, and she understands our feelings completely. We are both intertwined in each other's lives forever. I daydream about future summers where we can "swap" kids for a week or two -and they will eventually learn that their special friend is really somehow a bit of them (when they are old enough to understand, of course). Not many people will be blessed enough in this world to have just SO many people who love and cherish them as our Keifer Lynn. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine how empty our lives would be without her.

I was recently told by someone that I should disconnect from Mooshie and her family. It was just DNA that she gave to us. Just DNA. Yes, it was. But clearly, as we knew it would happen - not everybody "gets" the bond that Michele and I created last summer. The days that her and Maddie spent with CJ, me and the fur kids were a blur of love and fun and emotional hopes and dreams. I sat in the OR and WATCHED the doctor take out her eggs - out of her body. Eggs that were to become MINE, eggs that eventually created Keifer. How do you watch something like that, and hold that person's hand when they wake up out of the sleep they were put under, and disconnect from the person who asks, in tears, how many eggs did they get? You simply can't.
I recently asked Mooshie about this whole process and she was OK with me sharing what her innermost thoughts were about it:
I know how it feels to want people to understand how amazing our journey and relationship has been, and how hard it is when they don't.

You know how very religious and spiritual I am. God is at the center of my life, and I feel like He has shown me the way in life so many times, and led so many people and opportunities to me. Many people don't understand that, either, (most of my friends aren't religious or spiritual, whatever you want to call it) but that doesn't make it any less real or awe-inspiring for me. Get my parallel point here? I told my mom the other day that I have NEVER FELT MORE SURE OF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE--not even getting married or having kids of my own, than I did about going through this process with you. It was like I was hit over the head with it and there was no choice. Well, there was a choice, but if I didn't do it, it would have been the wrong one for me and I would have always regretted it. It was soooo weird. ............. as well as the many coincidences and miracles that I also believe God had His hand in. And if it wasn't meant to happen, it wouldn't have. There is a reason circumstances came together the way they did. If it didn't happen exactly as it did, Keifer would not be who she is. She is meant to be here, just like every one of us is. I would love to grow up knowing how very much I was loved and wanted and how special and unique my story is.


Drowned Girl said...

How lovely.

My donor is a close friend, and we have sons the same age. Even if we are NOT successful in making a baby (FET coming up after the DE IVF failed) we already feel that our children are joined in some way.

Jennifer Prince said...

*tears, tears, tears* The whole story is just amazing. Every bit of it.

Piccinigirl said...

oh the tears!!!! I think that what Mooshie did for you and what you and CJ allowed to happen is a true miracle...Keifer is a miracle and a very special little girl. I completely understand Mooshie's feelings, that this was "right" from the beginning. How blessed you were to find her.



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