Friday, September 29, 2006

Infertility: it's not just ME

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday, and because of insurance changing, I had to go to a new dentist. As the new hygenist, who BTW was a real chatterbox at the get -go, was going over my medical history, we came to the fact that I am indeed 13 weeks PG. She was very excited for me, and told me that I would fit right in at their dentist's office, as they have 4 other hygenists there that are all due in the next 3 to 6 months. When we got to the section on what medications am I taking, I started to say I was on progesterone, and then realized I' m not anymore. I explained my slip-up, and told her that I was luckily PG due to IVF, and especially lucky due to donor eggs. She stopped in her tracks and exclaimed "Oh my GOSH!". She was truly (appearing to be) very excited for me, and blurted out that one of the hygenists who is PG there, due in December, had also done IVF and was PG due to that. She said she had been TTC for over 3 years; apparently, they started trying as soon as they were married. I laughed to myself at the irony, but out loud I told her, that I myself had started trying, actually a few months before CJ and I had gotten married and we were basically "unexplained" as to why 13 medicated cycles and 6 IUI's never worked. I explained the doctors guessed that I had poor ovarian reserve, based on my piss-poor response to being hit hard with all the different medications, and I told her how painful having a canceled IVF cycle was. I also told her how excited and thrilled I am NOW, that my egg donor and I are so similar in every area of our lives, including looks, and how she is going to be a very special lady in Keifer's life.

The hygenist was beside herself at this news, and consequently spent the rest of my cleaning rambling on and on about how many people she's come across that have had to resort to using IVF, or have decided to adopt their children, after years of heartache. She then told me the story of her 23 year old son, who was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at the age of 20, and how the doctors predicted he "may" become sterile after the treatments, and how her son had to make sperm deposist to freeze for his unknown future. She said it was a very emotional time for her son, at the thought of having to use frozen sperm with an unknown future partner someday, but that she told him that she knows so many people now that have needed help having children, that it won't be as big of a deal as it "could' be. At this point, her son if sterile, but the doctors have apparently told him that he 'may' have hope for someday building up his sperm supply. I hope he is lucky enough to have that happen.

But I know how big of a deal it "can" be,w hen you are in the position of not being able to make a baby the old fashioned way, just "relax" and "go on a vacation", or "just look at my husband, and WHAM, I'll get PG". I know what it's like to realize that it is THAT TIME OF THE MONTH again, time to gear up and try to get "in the mood" so you can attempt at making a child you so desperately want. In the beginning, its all fun and games; but after time wears on and you keep getting your AF every month, and you've had your heart sink to the floor for the 12th time, you start to wonder why God has been so mean to you.

It seems as though the more I open up and tell people MY story of using donor eggs (yes, I'm a blabber mouth, but I have no shame in it; instead, I am almost PROUD that we had to do it "this way"), I'm hearing more and more stories of people I come across in my everyday life that have had problems conceiving as well. It truly is sad, and it breaks my heart. Especially when you hear whacko stories about girls throwing their babies in trash cans and leaving them, or coming across a child to assess who's mother admittedly did crack cocaine and smoked pot her entire PG, as well as with her 5 OTHER PG's. It makes me tear up and want to throw up. Life is certainly not fair, but I have to believe that eventually, people DO find their peace in the process, somehow, someway. We did. And for that I am so grateful, excited and anxious. But it was a long, emotional road.

And another funny tidbit that I've come across a few times. Yesterday, the hygenist commented on how nice my teeth were, how clean and straight, and she asked if I ever had braces. I said no. She said, without realizing it (because why WOULD YOU? even though she knew I had used donor eggs), "I hope your baby gets your teeth genes". I gently reminded her that Keifer wouldn't HAVE any of my genes; just my blood. She realized this, and gasped, and said, "oh man, do you get that a lot?". Actually, just a few times. I've had my mom a few times comment on how she wonders if Keifer will have any of his/her maternal grandpa's features, but I've also had to remind her that my genes will not be in Keifer. And I'm sure more people will comment on this before Keifer is born. No, my genes aren't in Keifer (a fact I've come to terms with, not very easily). But my blood will. And my heart!


Michele said...

Awwww....I know how much that upset you (early on, anyway), about how your baby wouldn't have your genes. But yet people will always ask--and you know what? Once Keifer is born I bet you'll get a few "S/he looks just LIKE you!"s even then! LOL

Love always,
Your twin ;-)

Piccinigirl said...

this I needed today, the knowledge that there are still people trying and people that IVF is helping. You helped me today without even knowing it.

Keifer is so lucky to have you as a mommy and no doubt that baby will be "all you". :)


liz said...

I've read a bit about how people who live together start to look like each other b/c they start unconsciously mimicking each other's facial patterns, mannerisms, etc... and I've seen this phenomenon with a friend of mine, who is adopted but gets told ALL THE TIME that she looks like her dad (who obviously didn't contribute any of her genes). It always cracks her up, but it's so neat, too! :)


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