Sunday, December 28, 2008

Home to sad news

We arrived home last night from our week long vacation to Mexico. I keep telling people it was Cancun, but really it was just 5 minutes south of Playa del Carmen, which has got to be one of the loveliest places on earth. For me, anyways. I love the turquoise water, the breeze from the ocean, the sound of the waves, the soft sand, the swimming pools, and of course, being at an all-inclusive resort where food and drinks are yours 24/7. Bliss.

However, I came home to find out the sad news that my friend Emilie had passed away the night before Christmas Eve. To say I was shocked, saddened, dismayed, you name it; well, is to say the least. I honestly feel like a piece of my heart has broken off that this kind, witty, intelligent, outspoken, well-written and hilarious mother and wife (and daughter and sister) has been taken from our world as we know it. Just writing this out has me welling up with tears again.

You can read all about Emilie's brave fight with her sarcoma at her blog, which I've posted quite frequently on here.

Today, the St. Paul Pioneer Press published the story of Emilie on their front page. It includes some wonderful, poignant pictures, both online and in the paper version. I urge you to read it: to get to know a piece of who Emilie was and to see how beautiful she was, inside and out. Have your Kleenex ready.

I feel awful, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make her funeral tomorrow. Having found out so last minute, and CJ having to go back to work, it's most likely I won't be able to make it. Who knows. I'll keep trying to figure out a way.

I was looking through my old pictures on the computer, and finally found the picture I knew I had: from November, 2004! I had thought it was 2005, but no, it has been since 2004 that I have known Emilie. the picture I"m posting is the first time that I met my friend Emilie (as well as Allision) face-to-face. We had met originally on the wedding planning board, the, and moved onto separate MSN message boards set up for us going through infertility. I knew Emilie appeared to be a funny and well-spoken women through all her posts and messages. Meeting her only proved that point was true.

I found out that Emilie was one of the only people I could count on to talk about movies- the ones that most people in my "circle" don't really always care to see: the independents, the Oscar buzz movies, etc.. We went to see Brokeback Mountain together, and I remember she was newly pregnant with Daniel, thanks to the help of some medications and an IUI. This is so dorky, but I remember admiring her for being so prepared during the movie with her healthy snack of almonds to munch on.

Later, Emilie and I met up with mutual friends of ours, usually to enjoy food together and to bitch and moan about how unfair life seemed that we were unable to get pregnant. Emilie was with me when I made my first diaper bag purchase, and afterwards we wandered down a St. Paul street, and enjoyed a dessert together at an infamous spot famous for their desserts. I remember I was hugely pregnant, and we had some great discussions that day. The thing that I remember best about Emilie, is that she had the knack to express herself and question things that I often thought about but never had the nerve to actually say out loud. It made me laugh sometimes, because here was this unassuming little gal spouting off about things that I had always wondered about as well.

When I gave birth to Keifer, Emilie posted on my blog, that her Daniel and Keifer were born only 2 minutes apart-and both after having to resort to a C-section, after laboring all day long.

Here is what she wrote that day I gave birth:

I have to tell you, Daniel was also 8 pounds, 10 oz., and was 21 inches
long ... and was born at 5:01 p.m. (two minutes apart) ... and via c-section.
Birth twins. :)

It was almost eerie reading that, like maybe someday down the road, maybe Daniel and Keifer were destined to have their paths cross somehow, someway? Who knows.
My last meeting with Emilie was unfortunately too long ago. It was right before she found out she was pregnant with Benjamin, and that she had cancer. Keifer and I spent an afternoon together, her with Daniel and me with a young Keifer, wandering another St. Paul street, pushing strollers, sharing new mother's wisdom, and talking children's books.

I am at a loss for words right now as to much more about how I feel. Emilie certainly left a hole in this world, and will be missed greatly by so many people who loved her. I am glad she is finally not in pain anymore; that was so hard to hear/read about. My prayers are with her husband, and her boys, and her family, for this Christmas season and those to come are never going to be the same.

Please send her family prayers.


Wendy and Karen said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your stories of her are lovely. I'll be thinking of you and her family.

Alex said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Just reading about her I could tell what a great woman she was, and can only imagine the whole left in your heart for your friend.

Pegs said...

Carrie, I'm so sorry for your loss! I started reading her blog a couple months ago because of you. I was hooked on her and her writtings ever since. She really captured the big picture and made the little moments unforgettable! From the impact she made on me in the short time, I can't imagine how much you will miss her! Sorry again.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about your friend Carrie. I am thinking of you and your family and of Emilie's family at this sad time.

Michele (Moosh) said...

You know what I think about when I see pictures of Emilie? Her smile. Look how GENUINE it always was, there was a light behind her eyes or something and a true openness about her.

I went to re-read one of the really sweet emails she sent me when you were PG with Keifer--we were going on and on back and forth about our similarities (Oregon talk mostly)--and she was just so kind about the whole egg donation thing. Well, I can't find the emails. I fear they got deleted and I'm so upset about that.

But, we have her beautiful blog, and her beautiful spirit will remain. We can only hope to touch as many hearts in our lifetimes as she did in her short 40 years.

I sure hope Steve is doing OK. I just.can't.imagine.

Piccinigirl said...

I am so sorry Carrie, I knew when I read about Emilie that my thoughts went to you too...and I send my love and sympathy.

We have all lost a phenomenal woman in our midst and we are less for it, the light is dimmer.



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