Blessings

"The Blessing"

In the morning when you rise

I bless the sun, I bless the skies

I bless your lips, I bless your eyes

My blessing goes with you

In the nighttime when you sleep

Oh I bless you while a watch I keep

As you lie in slumber deep

My blessing goes with you

This is my prayer for you

There for you, ever true

Each, every day for you

In everything you do

And when you come to me

And hold me close to you

I bless you

And you bless me, too

When your weary heart is tired

If the world would leave you uninspired

When nothing more of love's desired

My blessing goes with you

When the storms of life are strong

When you're wounded, when you don't belong

When you no longer hear my song

My blessing goes with you

This is my prayer for you

There for you, ever true

Each, every day for you

In everything you do

And when you come to me

And hold me close to you

I bless you

And you bless me, too

I bless you

And you bless me, too

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The above is a Celtic song that a friend of mine from my mommy online board posted this summer. She sent many of us the actual song on CD, but truthfully, I've been afraid to listen to it. Why? Because I'm scared of the many tears that will fall when I listen to this beautiful song, and how the words pertain so much to our angel girl. I shouldn't be afraid to listen, but even writing about this makes me tear up, after reading the lyrics. I should fully embrace the emotion that is forever linked to Keifer and her little life, and what is coming our way. She is a miracle, a blessing, a gift that many people helped create (Mooshie, doctors, friends'/family members' prayers). There should be no shame in crying with happiness. However, I'm not ready to go there yet. YET.

I think I'll copy this, print it out, and frame it in Keifer's room, to hang above her new cross that she received as a gift for her Baptism last weekend. To me, to look at these words will forever remind me of how fortunate we are. Especially in this upcoming season, the holiday of Thanksgiving. It's not just turkey for us. This year, we have much to be thankful for.

Ironically, the Pastor's sermon today in church was about the definition of "what is a blessing". If you were to look it up on the Internet, you would come across MANY definitions of what the translation of a blessing is. Our Pastor today, expressed a blessing as "A means of happiness; that which promotes prosperity and welfare; a beneficent gift.". Yes, a means of happiness.....a gift. When I look at my angel girl, and think about how she arrived her on earth, the cycle of reproducing her and all its intricate parts that had to be done to achieve her, I realize just how much of a blessing she is. She is a means of many people's happiness. Also, our egg donor Michele was a blessing. She helped (promoted) us prosperity in the sense of a child. Yes, blessings have many definitions in our household.

Friday night at a church event that CJ and I were volunteering at, a woman commented on the past weekend's baptism and how much my "sister" looked like me. Again, a totally different woman who was sitting near my commented exactly the same way. Sister. "Carrie, your sister and you look so much alike!". It made my heart stop for a mini-second in its beating, and the biggest grin spread across my face both times. "She wasn't my sister; she was our egg donor". *looks of disbelief*. Oh, WOW!. Comments such as this, it really does make me realize that this whole adventure with Mooshie was one that was predetermined in our lives, and it makes me realize I have no control over anything that will happen to me reproductively speaking. What is meant to be, will be. I have no idea what that path entails for CJ and I at this current time, but we are still praying on it. We are talking about starting our blood work, and all the rigamarore that needs to be done to go through with an anonymous donor egg cycle next summer.

However, we are not fully convinced that we will do that. We've had an offer for another potential egg donor, but we're unsure if we will go down that path again. It is such an emotional journey, emotionally draining, stressful, and tense for all parties involved. Will we enter a new chapter with some one else, or will we leave the figuring out of everything up to our clinic, and plan on showing up for my part of the process? Its tough figuring out this journey and what is meant for us. I'm fully convinced, however ,that the answer will come to us, and we will have the outcome sooner or later.