Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Soupbowl Mystery: the case of Sassy & the missing Saltines
It was a typical summer day, like every other. Warm, humid, and to a newly-PG woman, hard to breathe; especially when dealing with the new feelings of morning sickness. Many tips and advice had been offered to the newly PG woman. "Eat soda crackers, suck on mints, eat or drink things with ginger, get the sea bands". She had listened to all the tips and tried them, and more. Nothing really seemed to ease that feeling of "I better have a toilet within range just in case".
Finally, one night, she decided to try eating the soda crackers when ever she woke up at night, and first thing in the morning. She carefully took one plastic sleeve of the saltines out, and ate many of the crackers enclosed. This left about half the sleeve of crackers left. During the night, she only woke up once, to use the bathroom, and upon re-entering the warm, soft bed, she quickly munched on a few of the salty carbs. In the morning, the first thing the newly PG woman did was attempt to eat about 3-4 of the crackers before carefully easing her self out of the warm bed. Her smaller dog, the one they called "Sassy" for her sassy barking, was telling her it was time to get up. Who needed an alarm clock, when everyday in the summer, at 9:00 AM CST, this small, yappy, 11 pound dog would rouse her sleeping owner. The newly PG woman finished her crackers, and got up to go about her business for the day.
The newly PG woman had a chiropractic appointment, scheduled for the late morning. She successfully showered, got dressed and was even able to blow dry her hair, although she did break into a sweat and had to sit down a few times to let her stomach settle. Then, ready for her departure in her car, the newly PG woman went around and shut her bedroom door, as well as the bathroom door, for this sassy dog was known for getting into things when the humans left the house. The newly PG woman knew she had left her sleeve of unfinished saltines on her nightstand, with 7-8 crackers remaining. But no worries; she shut her door, confident that no dog could enter.
The newly PG woman arrived home an hour later, feeling somewhat better after a successful adjustment, with a bag of french fries and small, icy cold Coke in her possession. She ate her light snack, cleaned up around the kitchen, and then decided to go change her "real world" clothes for her 'comfy, around the house' clothes. She mounted the top of her stairs, and noticed that her bedroom door was slightly ajar, opened just enough for a small animal to sneak in. Possibly an 11 pound sassy, yappy female dog. Perplexed as to how this happened, the newly PG woman pushed the door open and knew before she even saw it: the empty, shiny clean sleeve, empty of its remaining crackers, lying on the floor next to the bed. The newly PG woman laughed out loud (literally), shook her head, and picked up the phone to call her newly PG daddy -to -be on the phone. He laughed along with her, and informed the newly PG woman, that apparently the humidity in the summer months did not allow their bedroom door to fully close and lock tight, leaving the possibility of small animals with sneaky instincts to bust in and steal whatever is in their sight. Or smell.
The case was solved. The crackers were gone. The sassy dog was well fed, and unaware that her breaking and entering was discovered. The newly PG woman continued to eat Saltines, but now she kept them in the drawer of her nightstand, instead of allowing them open access on the top.