Friday, July 21, 2006

Friday Ramblings from Duluth

I'm trying so hard not to think about every damn twinge, ache, cramp that my uterine area feels in the last few days. I've had 6 IUI's in the past, and after every one (failed them all), I always had cramps, twinges, etc., so I'm not holding out any hope that this MAY be it just because the way my body feels.

However, I think it is the humidity and heat MN has been experiencing lately, but I've been sick to my stomach all week. I am not a good responder to humidity, I tend to get the dry heaves with it, so the fact that food is making me want to throw up in the heat we've had is also not a sign to me. *sigh*.
What is funny to me is that the shots I'm getting in my butt are making my butt so sore, it's hard to 'flex' my glutes when I'm walking, so its almost like I'm waddling (like a PG waddler) only it's because of my butt. But I can pretend I have precious cargo inside me.

I got up to Duluth yesterday AM and arrived home to find my cousin's daughter/my Goddaughter, Aubrie, here with my aunt/her grandma. She lit up when she saw me and let me hold her and kiss her for a few hours, in between her exploring of the house. *shhh, we won't tell Uncle Chris I was lifting her into my lap* They stopped by again today and I also got to love her up. I told her as she was sitting on my lap today, I said "Aubrie, you give me all the babydust you have", and my aunt responded, "I just packed up another bin of them". What? LOL. She had thought I said "baby DUDS". LOL. So if I do end up having a baby girl someday, I WILL NOT need ANY baby girl clothes. For real. This child has more clothes than she can wear, and in all the bins they've packed up so far, there was more unused clothes than worn, and all adorable. So NO GIRL CLOTHES needed for me. LOL. I'll be hauling in Aubrie's leftover bins by the truckload.

We then went to visit my grandma Gina, who is failing badly. My Papa has been in the hospital for over a week, first with pneumonia, and now on the rehab floor because he literally has no strength. My uncle told my mom yesterday he looks like concentration camp survivor, he's down to 115 pounds. My mom told me my grandma sits in her chair, mostly blind, at home every afternoon (when one of the siblings "babysits" her), and just cries and cries. Its so heartbreaking, to know they are failing and have no will to live, but somehow they are still here. My parents, aunt Barb, and Aubrie visited Grandma today, and Grandma seemed a bit better with all of us there. It was hard for me to see her at first, because she fell down a week and a half ago, and her entire left eye, and the area around it, was/is completely black. It's now a gross green and yellow, but her eye is still completely bloodshot. Damn, she probably should have been checked out by a doctor. Uggg.

Aubrie was playing peek -a-boo with me, laughing her little bottom off (before she let loose with the big ol' stinky poopie), and sharing her crackers with me. *sigh*. Another gorgeous girl to love. I kept kissing her all day and telling her how much I love her. I hope she understands that. I think she does, judging how quickly she comes to me when I see her, and I only get to see her about once a month.

Last night, I had a dream about Oprah. I can never explain my vivid, wild, crazy dreams to anybody in words. Chris always just shakes his head at me when I even try to explain some of them. Its a combination of wild thoughts, things going on that I can still "see" in my head, but cannot put into words that would make any of it make sense. Anyhoo, last night's had something to do with Chris and I being in Mexico, somehow getting inside to see a live, stage show that turned out to be Oprah doing a presentation (*like a motivational speaker or something?*). So Chris & I had snuck in and when they realized we didn't have tickets, we had to leave. But later in the same dream, I was working with special ed. kids somewhere, and somehow Oprah was there where I was working and wanted to interview me for a part of her show. Hmmm......I wonder if this is a pre-sign that maybe Moosh and I WILL make it to the Oprah show? Talk amongst yourselves. LOL . If it were up to Moosh and I's online message board (where we met, and where all our strong prayers and CJ and I's generous donations came from), it for SURE is a sign. We keep saying that Moosh and I, along with our Prayer Warriors, will have to tell Oprah about our story.

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