Monday, September 21, 2009


Some rambling thoughts about feelings and the senses.

I had a flashback thanks to my nose- the sense of smell today. I was washing my hands at Kyla's 4 month check up appointment, and the soap is the same soap they had in the Special Care nursery. Upon smelling the soap as I lathered up and it lingered on the bubbles on my hand, I was immediately imagining washing my hands in the sink at the nursery, gearing up to go sit with my baby and will her to eat. The small little peanut that is now growing and catching up on those "growth charts". It made me almost nostalgic for some reason; nostalgic that the time has gone way too fast, and it seems like just yesterday we were grieving leaving her in the nursery, and now she is home and thriving. What a blessing she is.

Yesterday, after a fun experience with friends at the MOA, I was driving home with the girls in the back seat. I had a slight headache when I left, but the closer I got to home, the more intense the headache became. It was slowly becoming so intense, I felt like I was going to throw up. I called CJ and warned him the minute I pulled in the driveway, I was going to be sick. It happened: I pulled in, told the girls Daddy was on his way, and raced upstairs, where I lost my lunch.
Keifer knew something was wrong, as I laid in bed with an ice pack for hours, and she knew mommy had "a tummy ache".
This morning, she crawled into bed with us when she woke up around 5:45. She cuddled up next to me (the sense of touch), and I was immediately warm all over, glowing with love. She put her little hand on my tummy, and said (with her stinky 2 year old breath) "mommy, I rub your tummy?" I told her it was OK. She rubbed her little hand back and forth rapidly across my tummy, and crooned, "it's OK, mama, it's OK; you feel better". Ahh, my lovie.

They say that energy between a parent and child is so very strong. There's almost a 'cording' that goes on. I can honestly say that I FEEL that cord between Keifer and myself. Some days, when she is becoming sleepy, it's like a hammer has hit me and I suddenly am so very tired, just like her. I will rock her at night, and some nights, just the sensation of her lying against my chest is so very powerful, it takes my breath away. I can literally feel her soul; her energy, her life. It is so very strong and powerful. It makes me feel energized and so very in love with the little soul that is Keifer.

1 comment:

kristine said...

Oh, Carrie. The last paragraph got me so bad. I'm sitting over here bawling like a baby. So well written and so true. I feel the exact same way about Graycen. It's getting there with Parker, but with Graycen I've had 3 years to develop this. Awwww...


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