ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

I've always enjoyed sleeping. I love to sleep in on weekends. The dogs seem to like that their mommy is a sleeper, too. Growing Keifer inside me makes me tired, and at the end of a work week, I get exhausted. I got home last night from work, and took the furkids for a spin around the loop (our normal walk). CJ got home right after that, and at around 5:10 PM, I told him I was going upstairs to "lie down for awhile" before we ate.
He tried rousing me many times. My body wouldn't LET ME get up. The furkids checked on me frequently, and gave me licks and took turns cleaning each others ears while I laid next to them. Finally, at around 10:30 PM, I woke up to some strange sounds. It was "Nip/Tuck" on TV, and CJ snoring on the couch. I got up, washed my face, ate a banana and some yogurt, took my prenatals, and went back to bed. I got up for the day around 9:00 AM today, making it a whopping almost 16 hours of straight sleep. WOWZA.

Infertility: it's not just ME

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday, and because of insurance changing, I had to go to a new dentist. As the new hygenist, who BTW was a real chatterbox at the get -go, was going over my medical history, we came to the fact that I am indeed 13 weeks PG. She was very excited for me, and told me that I would fit right in at their dentist's office, as they have 4 other hygenists there that are all due in the next 3 to 6 months. When we got to the section on what medications am I taking, I started to say I was on progesterone, and then realized I' m not anymore. I explained my slip-up, and told her that I was luckily PG due to IVF, and especially lucky due to donor eggs. She stopped in her tracks and exclaimed "Oh my GOSH!". She was truly (appearing to be) very excited for me, and blurted out that one of the hygenists who is PG there, due in December, had also done IVF and was PG due to that. She said she had been TTC for over 3 years; apparently, they started trying as soon as they were married. I laughed to myself at the irony, but out loud I told her, that I myself had started trying, actually a few months before CJ and I had gotten married and we were basically "unexplained" as to why 13 medicated cycles and 6 IUI's never worked. I explained the doctors guessed that I had poor ovarian reserve, based on my piss-poor response to being hit hard with all the different medications, and I told her how painful having a canceled IVF cycle was. I also told her how excited and thrilled I am NOW, that my egg donor and I are so similar in every area of our lives, including looks, and how she is going to be a very special lady in Keifer's life.

The hygenist was beside herself at this news, and consequently spent the rest of my cleaning rambling on and on about how many people she's come across that have had to resort to using IVF, or have decided to adopt their children, after years of heartache. She then told me the story of her 23 year old son, who was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at the age of 20, and how the doctors predicted he "may" become sterile after the treatments, and how her son had to make sperm deposist to freeze for his unknown future. She said it was a very emotional time for her son, at the thought of having to use frozen sperm with an unknown future partner someday, but that she told him that she knows so many people now that have needed help having children, that it won't be as big of a deal as it "could' be. At this point, her son if sterile, but the doctors have apparently told him that he 'may' have hope for someday building up his sperm supply. I hope he is lucky enough to have that happen.

But I know how big of a deal it "can" be,w hen you are in the position of not being able to make a baby the old fashioned way, just "relax" and "go on a vacation", or "just look at my husband, and WHAM, I'll get PG". I know what it's like to realize that it is THAT TIME OF THE MONTH again, time to gear up and try to get "in the mood" so you can attempt at making a child you so desperately want. In the beginning, its all fun and games; but after time wears on and you keep getting your AF every month, and you've had your heart sink to the floor for the 12th time, you start to wonder why God has been so mean to you.

It seems as though the more I open up and tell people MY story of using donor eggs (yes, I'm a blabber mouth, but I have no shame in it; instead, I am almost PROUD that we had to do it "this way"), I'm hearing more and more stories of people I come across in my everyday life that have had problems conceiving as well. It truly is sad, and it breaks my heart. Especially when you hear whacko stories about girls throwing their babies in trash cans and leaving them, or coming across a child to assess who's mother admittedly did crack cocaine and smoked pot her entire PG, as well as with her 5 OTHER PG's. It makes me tear up and want to throw up. Life is certainly not fair, but I have to believe that eventually, people DO find their peace in the process, somehow, someway. We did. And for that I am so grateful, excited and anxious. But it was a long, emotional road.

And another funny tidbit that I've come across a few times. Yesterday, the hygenist commented on how nice my teeth were, how clean and straight, and she asked if I ever had braces. I said no. She said, without realizing it (because why WOULD YOU? even though she knew I had used donor eggs), "I hope your baby gets your teeth genes". I gently reminded her that Keifer wouldn't HAVE any of my genes; just my blood. She realized this, and gasped, and said, "oh man, do you get that a lot?". Actually, just a few times. I've had my mom a few times comment on how she wonders if Keifer will have any of his/her maternal grandpa's features, but I've also had to remind her that my genes will not be in Keifer. And I'm sure more people will comment on this before Keifer is born. No, my genes aren't in Keifer (a fact I've come to terms with, not very easily). But my blood will. And my heart!

a *giggle*

My mom showed my grandpa ("Papa") a the picture of me in the striped shirt (a few posts below) to let him see Keifer starting to show (baby belly) and I guess he commented on it: "boy, she's getting busty, isn't she!".
Ahhh, the joys of being in your late 80's.

My Grandma H. asked me the other day if I remembered when I was young, and I used to tell her the future names of my children: "they were so strange,", she said, "and I'm still just getting to this one you've picked. It's so unusual". *giggle* So tell me, what do you REALLY think, Grams?? *hee he, gotta love it*


**and in other news, I "officially" notified my Human resources department, as well as my Special Education director of my PG, and that I will be trying to work right up until my due date of April 3, health cooperating, and I plan on taking the final estimated 4 weeks or so that would be left in the school year as unpaid leave. YAYAYAYAYAYA**

13 weeks -- the time is going by fast!

13 weeks! YAY! I made it through the first trimester *knock on wood* with little to no worries! WHOOT! CJ and I are so excited and happy at the progress that Keifer is making and I'm now VERY anxious to be able to eventually feel him/her kicking away inside me. I'm sure soon I may regret wanting to feel it all the time, but at this point, I'll take kicks and jabs over the morning sickness that tells me Keifer is snug as a bug inside me.

Babycenter tells me this week: Your belly may soon be big enough to announce to the world that you're expecting, but your baby is still tiny. In fact, he's only about 3 inches long crown to rump — roughly the size of a jumbo shrimp — and weighs just about an ounce. Despite the small proportions, there's a fully formed baby inside your womb now. Much more proportional than it was a few weeks ago, his head is now only about a third the size of his body. His tiny, unique fingerprints are already in place. His kidneys and urinary tract are functional, and he's starting to urinate out the amniotic fluid he's been swallowing. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby's critical development will be completed, and your odds of miscarriage will drop considerably.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

Time to celebrate! This is the last week of your first trimester. Next week you'll be in your second trimester. That's great news for two reasons: One, your risk of miscarriage drops dramatically, and two, many women see early pregnancy symptoms, such as morning sickness, subside. (In some cases, though, heartburn replaces the nausea.) Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow. Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift in the second trimester as nausea abates and energy returns.

What's sad is that looking at that jumbo shrimp picture makes me intensely crave the shrimp scampi meal at the Elbo Room in Superior (across the bridge from Duluth, my hometown). NUM. Now I'm hungry. CJ is making us steaks on the grill and some hash browns tonight; the fact that I'm thinking about food means I AM HUNGRY! LOL. Which is a good thing. I can ONLY think or talk about food when I'm hungry. Otherwise, don't talk about food, don't show me pictures or billboards or commercials of food (gag), or even a can of Coke. Puke. This will get better. I know it will. In the meantime, as I've said before, I'm happy Keifer is telling me he/she is safe and cozy inside me. Now just start dancing on my belly, Keif!!!!

Meds are done: (Cold Turkey!).....and I've got a bump!

I started taking oral estrogen (Estrace) two times a day even before Keifer and his/her two other embryo siblings (remember Coco, Bongo, and Finn?) were transferred into me, as well as had a lovely progesterone shot in my butt, also twice a day. After the initial confirmation ultrasound at 6 weeks, Dr.D cut my shots down to just one a day and then told CJ and I that as of September 22, we would be able to cut the meds out completely. You see, the meds were what supported baby Keifer inside me the whole first part of this pregnancy. Because I did donor eggs, my own body's reproductive cycle was not allowed to go through the "natural" stages of ovulation and naturally prepping my body for implantation: instead, I was suppressed by meds, and then my uterine lining was made fluffy and inviting by meds (the progesterone). According to doctors, as of 12 weeks of Pregnancy, the placenta should have taken over the production of progesterone to support the baby, hence me cutting my shots completely.
When CJ and I met with my OB Addie last week, we discussed this plan with her and expressed our natural worries about cutting the meds out completely. CJ even discussed how he wanted to keep doing shots, but wanting to wean me off them, instead of "cold turkey". Addie had my progesterone levels checked, and called me the next day with the news that my progesterone level was considered excellent, and that I could cut the shots and meds out completely. The only thing that may occur, is that I may start having light pink spotting; so far, so good, nothing like that has happened *knock on wood*. She said that if I were to start bleeding red, to call her and we'd do an ultrasound to make sure things are OK.

The fact that I'm still very nauseated and am still gagging or throwing up every AM is reassuring to me that Keifer is still rolling around, being the tiny dancer inside mommy. And the fact that my boobs can barely handle wearing a Tshirt with a bra, that is also reassuring. However, I have to believe that with all the love, support, positive vibes and prayers that our friends and family have sent to us, Keifer is meant to be, and I have to have faith that after this roller coaster of a journey just to be able to carry a child, that Keifer will make his or her appearance in the Spring of 2007, right when he/she is supposed to.

And in other news, for the first time, today I feel like the pudgy/bulgy stomach I have is actually looking more "baby"! I can't stop looking in the mirror or in reflective windows as I walk by, as I stroke the upper bump of my tummy. There is a baby in there. I am never alone anymore: I always have Keifer with me, everywhere I go and everything I do. He/she is right here with me right now. Knowing that makes me smile, as I give my belly another rub.

The endless problem: what to wear

The weekend went by in a blur. A literal blur. Friday night, we did the pizza at Corey and Jill's. Yesterday, I napped off and on most of the day, with a little visit from Abby and Jill for about 20 minutes in there. I find that Saturdays, I could sleep all day if I let myself, and the morning sickness usually seems to hit me pretty hard. I think the full week of non-stop action at work catches up with me, and once my body really "lets go", I really let go and relax. Then, I had my friend Missy's daughter Mady's 2nd birthday party. It was so fun. She did a luau theme, and Miss Diva (aka Mady) had a ball ripping her gifts open. Our friend Faye was also there, with her almost 2 year old, Jack (Jack-man!). Faye moved to Iowa last year, so we rarely see her anymore, but the three of us still correspond every day via email. Email is a wonderful thing. It can connect you in seconds to everyone in your life!

Faye and Missy are both due in November with their second children. Its funny: when we met, online on theknot.com message boards, Faye and I started trying for babies at the exact same time. She was lucky enough to get PG, and had Jack -- and now FINALLY, I am able to say I am PG with the two of them. So at least one of their kids will be around the same as as Keifer. Not that age matters, but it will be fun to go thru the ups and downs together. My friend Allison is also expecting #2. She and I also tried for #1 together, and she was lucky enough to get PG with her Jackson via IUI (insemination; ironically, the same day, same office, same cycle as I had one of MY IUI's). Her due date is May 16 (one day before my Bday!), and so we will also have kids the same age. And, another friend of mine, Beth, from college - she just found out SHE is expecting #2. CJ's good buddy from work also just found he and his girlfriend are expecting , so I am over the moon at all the same age babies! I guess there is something in the air around here lately. I'm just THRILLED to be able to say I am finally onboard this mommy train.

Keifer Lynn or Keifer Dale: I love you! thank you for letting mommy be able to live out her dream of becoming PG and experiencing the ups and downs of this along with good friends.

Today, I had lunch with Beth and another old friend, Lori. I trekked one hour north up to Blaine, and we had a great lunch at Bella in Blaine (minus the crappy waitress, but Beth took care of getting THAT taken care of, hee hee). Then, I stopped at the MOA (Mall of America) on the way home, and CJ gave me free rein on our joint account for some more maternity clothes. He gets tired of me bitching in the AM about the lack of things that look decent on me. LOL.
I wasn't too successful at Old Navy -- they had some basic Tshirts on clearance for $2.97, so I picked up 2 white ones and one black, but the rest of the clothes looked awful on me. I did find one hoodie sweatshirt. I stopped at Gap Maternity - and dammit, why is it that the more pricier items look better on me? Of course. I stopped myself at only buying one sweater, one summer sweater on clearance, and a grey and white striped hoodie (which I found a picture of).

Next weekend, CJ and I have a bday party for his co-worker (the one who just found out THEY are expecting in May, unexpectedly!) up in Maple Grove - so I plan on having him stop at the Gap maternity up there and I want to get a pair of cords with my $10 off coupon (which I forgot to bring with today, *blush*). I also found myself a pair of panel khakis at Motherhood Maternity, after scouring every khaki they had in the store. This trying to find clothes thing is difficult - but thank goodness I"ll be PG in the winter, and can hide the bump with some sweaters and long sweatshirts!

12 week belly pics

Last night, after another particularily "on the verge of throwing up" day, we went over to Corey and Jill's to have a "pizza party" (we told Abby that was what it was). Jill and I nearly polished off the veggie pizza, so the 12 week, 2 or 3 day pics that CJ took may be slightly skewed by the bloat! LOL.

Here I am, newly PG, exactly 4 weeks:

And here I am last night. bloated from pizza - but it gives a good idea of what I look like after a full day of activity and eating. Grow, Keifer, grow!

Furniture

Here is the crib we will be using for Keifer -- it is being used by my Goddaughter/cousin's daughter, Aubrie, at this point in time, but we will be getting it soon. And.....my MIL Marge found us a beautiful chest of drawers/wardrobe at a rummage sale down her street, of all places. It is 40+ years old! So now we have the crib, the chest, and the blue doggie chair. LOL. My only question is: should we get another dresser or chest of some sort? Or should we use this chest only? I know I want some bookshelves, as Keifer already has quite the collection going (we are collecting doggie books, plus I have about 500-600 children's books at work I've been buying for years that are considered "Keifer's"). I know we most likely will be looking for a glider/rocker of some sort.....and my biggest dilemma is what to do with Treble and Sassy's bed? We obviously will be taking it out, but each and every day, Sass lays on her pillow in the window in that bed, and each and every night, Treble usually sneaks out of his doggie bed in our closet to the bed down the hall. He makes his "nest" in this bed. As you can see, this is a favorite spot of theirs for viewing the world.

So what to do with the furniture? Any ideas?? We are thinking of finding a bench/shelving type of window unit that we could put a pad on top of for the fur kids to lay on. We saw one we really liked at Pottery Barn Kids, of course the $$ is outrageous. I suggested maybe CJ build one, but that might be more $$ than its worth, too. We are planning a trip to IKEA to see what they have for storage/bench type units. Any suggestions on yay or nay to another dresser? Do you think we will be able to use the chest as a combo changing unit as well? *sigh* Decisions, decisions. LOL.

Nursery musings .... any comments appreciated

In keeping with my Type A planning personality, I've had dreams about my child's nursery for years. I've kept a favorites file on our home computer, loaded with ideas in my "baby" folder. Of course, a nursery is high on my list to decorate -- even though the nursery isn't THAT big of a deal to most people. But when I've dreamed this long of having a baby (um, yeah, since I was 5 I wanted to be a mommy), I just want to make this part of the special journey along with having the baby.

I really LOVE a lot of the girlie designs that are out there for girl nurseries. I am not so much into pinks, but I love a light lavender and yellows. However, when I found the Farmyard Friends nursery set at Pottery Barn Kids, I fell in love with the blue dog part of the animals in the collection. Being the dog crazy person I always have been, having a doggie be part of my nursery plans was something that seemed almost expected for me. LOL. I love the fact that the Farmyard Friends can be made for either gender --and I wouldn't want to go CRAZY with the theme -- just have the basics to get a sense of what the nursery is about. I really fell in love with the mobile, believe it or not, but how important is a mobile? (*I honestly have no idea?*). I love the fact that this mobile I have pictured plays Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach and has the swirly designs in it that are supposedly good for babies eyes development.

My ideas if we go with the Farmyard Friends nursery, (which can only be bought online now, poop, because the store has so many new nursery ideas) ....is to paint the bottom of the walls of the nursery a soft cocoa color, in alternating stripe (thanks to my pal Taryn for that ideas). I would alternate the cocoa color (well, CJ would LOL), in a glossy finish and a matte finish, so it would be the same color, but have a different appearance. Then, I want to do chair rail and then have the top be either a pale yellow or a pale blue, depending on if Keifer is a boy or a girl. Then, above the crib, I want to paint in lowercase cursive "i am a dream come true". I also have already bought the blue dog critter chair - the box is collecting dust in our basement laundry room.




Then, one day last weekend, Mooshie sent me this bedding set from Target.com that she found. Now, I've searched high and low and have researched nursery bedding for YEARS (yes I am a freak/dork, I've already discussed this). And I've found/seen other bedding that really annoyed me with the puppy theme. However, for some reason, this set really caught my eye because 1)its adorable and 2) its more simple: there isn't a TON of doggie stuff being thrown in your face (which is what I DO NOT want). I want simple. *sigh* So if Keifer is a boy, would we lean towards this?? I'm not digging the mobile as much, either (*giggle* because I know some will say "who cares" about a mobile). We could paint the walls the same colors that I was thinking - the light browns and blues. What to do, what to do. Its really not something I've been spending hours agonizing over, but it is something fun to think about.

The big 12 weeks is here

Keifer made it to 12 weeks, and for that, we are so thankful. Before our OB appointment yesterday, we had heard bad news from 3 online sources, and it really freaked both of us out. But hearing that Addie felt my PG is healthy and going as it should, it really brought a lot of relief to CJ and I's worries. Of course, I know I will never NOT worry about Keifer from this point on out, but making it one more week and entering the second trimester really takes a lot of the pressure of "what if" off of our shoulders. And.....now we can get cracking on my nursery ideas, and start really preparing for Keifer's arrival next Spring.


Baby Center's weekly update tells me: Your baby's hit the 2-inch mark (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. Her face is beginning to look more human. Her eyes, which started out on the sides of her head, have moved closer together on her face, and her ears are near their final positions on the sides of her head. Your baby's intestines, which have grown so rapidly that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into her abdominal cavity about now. Her kidneys are secreting urine into her bladder. Her nerve cells have been multiplying rapidly, and synapses (neurological pathways in the brain) are forming. Your baby may have acquired more reflexes by now, including sucking, and she'll even squirm if you prod your abdomen, though you still won't be able to feel her movement for several weeks.

How your life's changing: Your uterus is rising above your pelvic bones, and your practitioner can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen. Though you probably won't need maternity clothes for several more weeks yet, you've no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you're more comfortable in looser, less restrictive clothing.You may also start getting heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. It's caused by both hormonal and physical changes in your body — and can take the pleasure out of eating a meal or sleeping. Eating small meals and avoiding foods that make the problem worse, such as fried, spicy, or fatty foods, can help.

I've noticed that the gagging brushing my teeth continues to be present, as does the nausea, even though I've started taking the medicine Addie prescribed to help with that. CJ is still in charge of cooking or picking up food for us (what a great guy he' s being), and he's also helped me pick up the slack in the laundry, dishes and general appearance of the house. Usually, I'm an anal clean freak, but I just really don't care anymore about if the dishes made it to the dishwasher or not. LOL. It is a NICE feeling, but I really do wish I had it in me more to at least clean off my bathroom sink a little better. Last night, I fell asleep at 5:30 PM, and when CJ tried to rouse me at 7, I wasn't having any of that. I ended up sleeping til a bit past 8, got up to eat some leftovers from the other night, and went back to bed. I was even sleepy this AM, so definitely, I am needing as much sleep as possible. Let's just hope that Keifer wants to continue this sleep pattern once he/she is born!

Recap of First OB appointment

CJ and I had a great first OB appointment today. It was an hour and half -- very thorough - I love my Addie (OB nurse Practioner): she is so sweet. And of course, I got my congratulations hug AND her personal phone number, because I am a "special" patient of hers *awww*.

We went over every question possible -- OKed sex finally, no working out other than elliptical and walking, nothing high impact still for me, no weights above 30 , which means now I'm able to lift kids at work, and when I told her I've been feeling crummy, she gave me a prescription for something for my M/S which CJ picked up - and she suggested Frozen Cokes for my M/S! LOL. Oh, and she also sat and talked for 5 minutes about different foods to try that I haven't to help - until I finally held my hand up and said "I can't talk about food anymore" *giggle*.

She gave me a mini - physical and I had an internal exam and she said "Oh my, you are definitely 12 or more weeks along! You're on your way, girl!"....and had me feel the top of my uterus. *sigh* It was a great thing to hear. Relief was very prominent in the room, between CJ and I.

Then she listened for the heartbeat. My uterus is tipped, and she was able to find it, but she had to work hard. She said the placenta is in the front (which she compared to having blue eyes or brown eyes, no big deal), and then she said (which made me crack up), "ohh, this critter is a mover", and she kept getting frustrated because she'd finally get the heartbeat (which sounded like somebody walking down an echoey hallway) and then it would move. LOL.

Great - I have a mover and shaker! LOL. She suggested we look for our own doppler instead of renting -she said 2 of her patients have found them on Ebay for cheap, so CJ has already been researching. I may borrow one from a girl on my message board, if she can find the one she used. We'll see. It seemed a bit more difficult to find the heartbeat at this stage, but she said in a few more weeks, it should be easier. I go back in a few weeks to meet with the OB whom I'll use for my "doc". I've already made my appointment, for October 4th. Then, after that appointment, we'll make the following appointment, which is when we'll be able to find out the gender of my tiny little dancing critter!

First OB appointment today

CJ and I are both really excited. Today is the day we have been waiting for. I'm sure it won't be very exciting, but I bet we'll get to hear Keifer's little heartbeat!!! YAY!
Our appointment with Addie, my OB nurse practioner, is at 2:00 PM CST, so I'll be sure to record my thoughts afterwards.
I sure hope Keifer is doing well inside me. I always have that "little" twinge of fear. *sigh*. But if this AM's upset tummy is right, I"m still PG.

Thanks for the hair, Keifer

I got my hair cut today, and had a few pleasant surprises.
First, when I arrived, Betsy, my stylist (Hi, Betsy! *waving* -- she checks in on me), had a gift on the chair for me to open. She had an adorable card and a beautiful picture frame : a cream frame that says "A Mother is Love" across the top and down the right side. It is so pretty. I was so touched. We are so blessed to have so many generous and loving people in our lives! I can't wait to put a picture of Keifer and I in the frame and put it in the nursery (along with pictures of mommy and daddy when WE were kids, and also the fur siblings, of course!).

Then, after my hair got all trimmed up and some shape back, Betsy told me she noticed my hair seemed a lot thicker today. Yes, folks, she found little spots of growth, where my hair is going crazy and growing in all thick. Oh My. I've always had baby fine hair and am the QUEEN Bee of products, and damaging my hair (aka coloring and body perming to achieve some level of body). I was so pumped!

So thanks, Keifer, for the great new hair, and the great new boobies *(wink)*. LOL.

Feed me

I haven't really had any major cravings, but when I want to eat, I want to usually eat something very specific. Its made dinner time hard with CJ; he's pretty much had to wait on me every night and has taken over either buying take-out or making whatever it is we decide on.
Lately, though, I can't get enough chinese food. And preferably with a little touch of spice (that kick). NUM. White rice is my friend.
And today, out of nowhere, I had this intene urge to go buy a chocolate whipped cream cake. I didn't, but whose to say I WON'T stop at the store after work this week just to get one? *wink*

Rock A Bye, Keifer

Every night, when CJ tucks me in *yes, he tucks me in every night*, we hold this stuffed blue dog (that was a sweet gift from my pal, Veebs), on my belly and let it play its tune. It plays "Rock A Bye Baby", and every night, we let it play until it stops, and then we both say goodnight to Keifer. CJ kisses the belly and talks to Keifer, too, to make sure that s/he will know daddie's voice, too. Pretty soon, Keifer should be able to hear our voices. Have you ever THOUGHT about the lyrics to "Rock A Bye Baby"? "In the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks, the cradle will FALL............." How traumatic for a baby to FALL out of a tree. LOL. I hope that doesn't ever come true. Apparently Mooshie/Michele (my egg donor) has a similar type toy, a pink stuffed rabbit, that also plays music. She used to hold it on HER belly every night for her Maddie to hear in utero. That's where I got the idea to play everynight for Keifer. Maddie LOVES her stuffed bunny and its one of her favorite bedtime friends. I'm hoping Keifer loves the stuffed doggie. I wonder what Keifer will name the puppy?

And just because, here is a fully clothed shot of my belly, at 11 1/2 weeks. This was before work this week, and I'm wearing a maternity sweater -- because trying to find shirts to wear to cover the bulge that isn't quite baby yet, but isn't flat, either, has been difficult. Usually in the AMs, I'm not showing very much, but for some reason, this sweater made me look more PG.

Last night, after we got home from the long day of watching Mason and CJ playing ball, I noticed CJ kept staring at my belly *aka "the look"*. I asked him why, and he told me I really LOOKED PG last night. Then, as I was getting in the shower, he happened to walk by, and caught a glimpse of me. "Honey!" he exclaimed. "Look at your boobies! WOW". I laughed, but when he told me he wanted to take a picture, that's where I drew the line. *giggle* I told him to wait until I'm more in the 20+ weeks, then I'll pull a Britney for him. Hee hee.
(what I also noticed, was the thing about your veins popping out really is true. I noticed especially on my left side, my blue veins were very prominent, and made their way towards my uterus, towards Keifer, who is starting to share his/her mommie's blood!)

A day with Mason

Yesterday, (Saturday), I babysat my nephew Mason for the whole day -- CJ, his brother Corey, and our SIL Jill had a softball benefit tourney to play in. They took Abby with them, to play with kids her age that would be there, so Auntie stayed home w/Mason and the furkids. We had a great day -- although Auntie got really tired and a little nauseated in the PM. Luckily, I was able to nap in the PM when Mason napped, and then he requested to watch 'The Jungle Book 2" two times in a row, and refused to go outside or play, so Auntie was able to lay low while he did.
Mason had some hilarious quotes, though, that I had to write about. *giggle*

I've mentioned before that he is becoming quite the talker. He really is adorable, with his sweet little voice, and I'm not being bias because he's my nephew. *wink*. Mason just LOVES when the puppies, Treble and Sage (aka Sass) come to play, and he is the only kid I know that WANTS Sage to lick his face non-stop - he giggle like crazy and Sass goes nuts. All day, Mason was trying to touch Treble's ears, give him big bear hugs, and try to touch his tail. Well, Treble is finally OK enough to let Mason near him, and lets him do anything to him when we are in sight. When Treble rolled onto his back, to let Mason scratch his belly, Mason immediately gravitates towards Treble's "pee pee" and yesterday, he grabbed it again, and said "Treble potty". LOL. Of course, I reminded him we DO NOT touch Treble there and poor Treble looked at me with those sad brown eyes, as if to say, "sigh".
I took a 2 minute potty break myself, leaving the bathroom door open. Within 2 minutes, I heard Treble give his "warning bark" that he typically gives to Sass when she is bugging him about one thing or another. I figured it wasn't Mason: I had left him playing contently with his Little People Pirate ship, and I didn't hear his voice. Seconds later, Mason walked into the bathroom, and said "Auntie?". "Yes, Mason?". "Pull tail". Ahhhh. "You pulled Treble's tail?". Mason all serious: "yep". I ask, "did he bark at you?". "Yep". "Were you scared?". Mason: "Yeah". But he didn't look scared. Oh my goodness, LOL. So I gently reminded him that we DO NOT pull Treble's tail, even though Auntie has left the room for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Treble was fine, he was just lying in the living room, head on his paws, still looking sad and "get me outta here". *giggle*.

What really melted my heart, was when Mason woke up from his nap, I could hear him lying in his bed, saying "Sass? Sass? Where are you, Sass?". I tiptoed down the hallway, peeked in, and he was just lying in his bead, talking in a normal voice, asking Sass where she was (they were outside at the moment). I said, "Hey Mason, want to come find Sass?". "OK". All happy, he climbs out of bed, and rushes down the hallway, looking for one of his best furfriends. That just melted my heart, of course.

After his nap, as said before, Mason requested "Mowgli", so I popped it in, and relaxed myself on the couch next to his loveseat. It was so cute, because he had a blanket over him, his stuffed "Daisy" dog next to him, and his little hands behind his head, intent on the screen. Sager was lying on his feet, snoozing. At one point, I got up and was feeling sick, so I was rubbing my belly, which sometimes seems to help feel better. Mason looked over at me rubbing my belly, so I said "Mason, Auntie has a baby in her belly. She's going to have a baby". Mason, all serious, takes his hands from behind his head and starts rubbing HIS belly, and says "me too, I have baby, too, Auntie". Oh my. The sweet little darling is apparently also PG. *giggle*.

Someday I'll see Keifer smilin' at me......

*sigh*. I'm so excited to see WHAT Keifer looks like. Yes, I'm only 11 weeks, but I'm very impatient and I am so excited to have this baby, its unreal! We visited my niece and nephew the other day, and Mason, who just turned 2, is just talking up a storm. CJ and I laugh that he is talking just to hear himself talk. Chat chat chat - he says the cutest damn things, such as "yum, this is tasty!", and his little mannerisms just make my heart melt with love. I sooooooo hope this little guy, who looks like SUCH a Campbell, along with my gorgeous Mooshie's (egg donor's) genes, produce a baby Keifer that looks something like a cross between Mason and Maddie! *sigh* I think I could pass as Maddie's mama: I have the same lower half of her face, dimples, cheekbones, etc.. Well, people don't say Moosh and I look like each other for no reason! LOL. Looking at these two gorgeous children makes my heart skip with joy and the anticipation builds.

+

=

KEIFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 11 weeks to me.........

And what a happy wake up I had this AM. LOL. As always, as I've stated before, I was huffing and puffing around the house, showering, fretting over my clothes (its an ordeal every AM around here), and chatting with CJ as he is getting ready. The furkids are always tucked in bed, watching us, Sager under the covers, barely peeking out; Treble curled up, head on pillow, his soulful brown eyes staring us down. I was talking to CJ about something, when all of a sudden "GAG" -- an outloud gag hit me from nowhere. Oye. So I had the pukies again. It was not pleasant. What WAS cute, weirdly enough, is that Treble and Sage jumped up as I rushed to my bathroom, and Sassy sat by me as I heaved. Treble just laid his head on his paws in the hallway right outside the door, looking sad, as if to say "poor Mom". I think Treble knows something is going on. I'm not sure if its because I've been back to work now full time, or what, but he has been super cuddly with me, and every night he tries to make sure he is lying on ME, and not his usually-preferred daddy. And he lets out his happy groan of contentment more loudly than ever with me, it seems. Or am I being selfish? *smile*

Babycenter.com tells me this week: Your fig-sized baby is now fully formed — measuring 1 1/2 inches long and weighing in at a quarter of an ounce. His skin is still transparent, allowing many of his blood vessels to show through. Some of his bones are beginning to harden, and tiny toothbuds are starting to appear under his gums. His fingers and toes have separated, and he may soon be able to open and close his fists. He's already busy kicking and stretching, and his tiny movements are so fluid they look like water ballet. These movements will increase as his body grows and becomes more developed and functional. As his diaphragm develops, your tiny tenant may also start to get the hiccups. Because he's still so small, though, you won't feel any of his workouts or intrauterine gulps until sometime between weeks 16 and 20.

Babycenter.com also tells me I "may be experiencing strange symptoms, such as excessive saliva". YES. Yes, I am , come to think of it. Lovely. *sigh*

We visited Corey and the kids, Abby and Mason, last night, to get my fix of them, and to let our furkids run their sillies out. Sager played fetch (for the first time EVER) really well, and she ran and ran for over 30 minutes straight. What was cute, was while they were eating, Abby was asking me how big the baby was. We eventually found a small lime in their fridge that we showed to her. She seemed pretty impressed, and then asked me if SHE could be Keifer's ONLY cousin, not Mason. *smile* . Already wanting a first crack at her baby cousin -to-be. She also asked to see "how fat" I am getting with the baby. She made a gesture, insinuating that I'll be popping out, saying "pretty soon, your belly will be out to HERE". Then, as we packed up and were pulling out of the driveway, among her and Mason's spirited "goodbyes!", we heard Abby say "take care of your babies, Auntie!" *swoon*. Yes, Abby can make my heart melt with her comments like that.

I'm off to bed. I came home from work today, picked up some chinese (because I HAD to have white rice), and then I crashed hard until 7, when CJ woke me up to watch the Rockstar: Supernova finale. As I had predicted long ago, Lukas won, which is cool - his voice is amazing. CJ and I are even MORE excited, though, because last week we got our tix to their show in February! Rock on!

I've got "the look" and more gifts

I've noticed, more so lately, that people whom I haven't seen in awhile, will give me "the look" before we hug in greeting. It is cute. I know that they know I am PG now, so they are automatically looking to see if they can see any sign of a PG belly on me. LOL. So now, of course, I wonder: am I, too, guilty of giving "the look" back in the day?. I'm sure I am, no contest. LOL.
I'm back to work now, and this week we had parents of my new students bring the kids in to meet me, and see their new classroom. There were some parents visiting the teacher next door to me, of students I had last year in my class. The kids have moved "up" to the next level, at age 4, and were visiting their new teachers. A few parents stopped in, but it was funny when one of them stopped in, and I totally felt her "checking out my midsection" (because I know I do have that slight pudge bulge of pre-baby belly going on). I'm normally a thinner person, so I'm sure the mom was wondering what that bulge meant, and was too afraid (manners, of course) to ask me if I was indeed expecting. So to help her along, I said to the 4 year old, "__, guess what? I'm going to have a baby this year!". *giggle*

It was great having my new students come in, all shy and nervous. I have some great parents this year, and for that I am excited. I have been sharing the news of my PG with them, and with a few with whom I'm feeling comfortable, I've shared that we tried for "a long time" to have this baby. Well, one of the sweetest parents, she brought in a baby gift! She brought me a card and soft, fuzzy, cuddly, green "baby love" blanket from her and her son, my student! *awwwww, heart swelling*. How sweet was that? I was so touched, I practically cried (damn hormones). I thanked her profusely, and she commented , "well, when you've tried as long as you did, you deserve it!". I also think subconsciously, part of the reason I'm telling them I've tried for 3 years for a baby is to not make me feel guilty for leaving at the end of the child's school year -- my due date being April 3, I plan on taking the rest of the school year off, to transition into summer.

Telling a few of them was eye opening, though. I found out that two sets of parents have experienced infertility as well, or are still experiencing it. One set, I knew that they "might" have had problems, in that it took them 9 years for their son. But the mom, whom I felt like I could immediately talk to about anything (you know the type, so warm, chatty,open, and "real"), well , she told me that they experienced their 4th miscarriage this summer, and are now contemplating the possibility of surrogacy. But not for sure. *sigh*. Its just so damn unfair. These wonderful, caring parents, going through all this pain. Uggg.
Another mom shared with me, that she had her son, their second child, after numerous inseminations (IUI), and were lucky to get PG.

So I'm glad I was not shy in covering up the fact that I struggled to get PG. I honestly felt like it opened the door to talking about the dreaded infertility, and when I hear the statistic that one in six couples will experience infertility, it sort of shocks me that I've already met two sets of parents in my room alone who have gone through it.

A prayer request

Throughout this infertility journey of three, long, agonizing years, I've met many wonderful woman online on support message boards, and many have become almost like sisters to me (well, Moosh my egg donor, for a good example). I met a girl who has been TTC since around the same time as CJ and I: Kirsten. Her blog is listed on my right. Well, poor Kir has not been successful yet, and we all really had hopes that this last IUI she had was the golden ticket for her and Mr. Kir. It wasn't, and needless to say, she was devastated, as were all of us who have been receiving HER endless support, while she watches as we have gotten our BFP's. I truly hurt over her BFN this week, and actually am tearing up writing this. She is one of the most generous, supportive, sweet, open, king, FUN, wonderful women I've met throughout this journey, and we've never even met or talked on the phone. Troughout my IVF, I received many supportive, FUNNY cards from her, and when I got my BFP she was one of my biggest cheerleaders. She even sent me a wonderful book, knowing how much I love to read: Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul. What a true gem of a friend, huh? One day, though, Kir and I are meeting up at Sundance, and spending an entire weekend oogling celebrities and watching new movies. So please say a prayer of support for Kir, and please pray that her and Mr. Kir soon get what their hearts so desperately desire: a baby. Someway, somehow, she and Mr. Kir will be parents, but the journey getting there just plain ol' SUCKS THE BIG ONE.

Hugs and love to you, sweetie.

10 weeks and counting

I made it to the 10 week mark, thank goodness. I won't say we still don't worry, because we do. A lot. It comes in waves for me, but I think CJ might worry a bit more than I do - he is more protective of me right now (in ways of not wanting me to do much, when I think I'm still OK). I don't push the envelope by any means, but if it's still comfortable to do, like lifting the laundry basket that is NOT 20 pounds, I'll do it. But I will be careful, as I'm still not out of the woods. There is still that 3% chance of something going wrong, but we wont' go there. I've been able to wear my 10 week feet pin that my MIL sent me. My mom also got a pin/pair from her as well. I love them. This is the size of my little Keifer's feet RIGHT NOW. These little feet, dancing inside my cocoon of a uterus, inside the amniotic sac. I tease CJ that I hope the baby doesn't get HIS feet, so he is continuously telling me Keifer is dancing inside me with HIS feet, of course.
Speaking of dancing, I'm excited that in early November, Keifer will experience his/her first Red Hot Chili Pepper concert, as my friend and I are going. We saw them 3 years ago and literally ROCKED OUT. Too much. I won't be partying like the rock star this time, but hopefully Keifer will enjoy it. I've had their recent CD since it came out, and I've been LOVING jamming to it. It's very soothing to me for some reason. LOL CJ and I also bought tickets to the Supernova tour in February. We've been hooked on the show again this summer, and can't wait to find out this coming week who the lead singer will be when they stop here in chilly MN. I'm more excited that the House Band that plays on the show will be touring with them, along with Dave Navarro's new band, The Panic Channel.

Babycenter.com tells me this week: How your baby's growing: Your baby is no longer an embryo! Though she's barely the size of a kumquat — just an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, she now has completed the most critical portion of her development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in her body rapidly grow and mature. Her vital organs — the liver, kidney, intestines, brain, and lungs — are now in place and starting to function (although they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy). Her liver continues to make blood cells, and the yolk sac, which previously supplied these cells, is no longer needed and begins to disappear.During the next three weeks, your baby's length will more than double to nearly 3 inches. Her head is proportionately smaller now than it was a few weeks ago, but it's still almost half the length of her entire body. Her forehead temporarily bulges with her developing brain and sits high on her head; it will later recede to give her a more human appearance. Each day, more minute details — including tiny fingernails, toenails, and peach-fuzz hair — start to appear on her body. Her fingers are now completely separated; her arms bend at the elbow and curve slightly; her hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over her heart; her legs are lengthening; and her feet may be long enough to meet in front of her body. She is busily swallowing amniotic fluid and kicking her legs.If you could take a peek at your baby this week, you'd be able to clearly see the outline of her spine through her parchment-thin skin. Spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from her spinal cord.* Note: Experts say every baby develops differently — even in the womb. This developmental information is designed to give you a general idea of how your baby is growing.

How your life's changing:
Your uterus has doubled in size by now. Before you got pregnant, it was the size of a small pear. By this week, it's grown to the size of a grapefruit. At your next prenatal visit, you may be able to hear your baby's rapid heartbeat with the help of a Doppler, a hand-held soundwave stethoscope that your practitioner will pass over your belly. Many women say that the beating of their baby's tiny heart sounds like the thunder of galloping horses and hearing it for the first time is one of the greatest joys of the first trimester.

CJ and I plan on renting a home doppler for our use at home soon. Many of my online friends on a TTC (Trying to Conceive) board have done this, and they all have loved it. We can even record the heartbeat online and then email our friends and family Keifer's little beat!

I'm still feeling the nausea off and on. I had a good early week, and then Wednesday and Thursday were pretty rough, complete with headache. I had a chiropractic appointment after work today, and she worked on some morning sickness points, so let's hope they do the job. Her book said that they suggest women who are experiencing the type of morning sickness I am (there were 2 types to choose from) should lay and relax as much as possible, and stay away from greasy, friend, raw, or cold food. Well, that certainly won't help when I eat my personal vegetarian pizza for dinner tonight, now will it? *wink*

Here's the latest belly picture. I've continued to break into my maternity clothes that I thought I wouldn't need just yet. Earlier this week, I tried zipping up a pair of pants that fit me in August. The zipper wasn't even close to coming closed. I'll just say this: every morning, getting dressed is quite the show of drama in the Campbell household. LOL And here is the link to the previous pictures that have so far been taken.
And, just because I love them so doggone much, the latest Tboy & Sass picture. This was the other morning in bed, after I had gotten up and was huffing and puffing around the bedroom, trying not to gag up anything after my morning shower. How sweet are they? If only Sass could be this sweet all day long, and not just when she's tired. My little cuddle bug, mama's dog.

Fish, teeth and drugs

And the crazy dreams continue. On Sunday, CJ and I went shopping on Grand Avenue in St. Paul, which is a well known street for many shops and great restaurants. One of my favorite restaurants on Grand Avenue is called the Tavern on Grand and is famous for their walleye ( the MN state fish, a wonderful fish, yum). I love love love Tavern on Grand's shore lunch: lots of good food at a great price. I mentioned to CJ since we were on Grand Avenue, maybe we'd have lunch there. We ended up not doing that, but that night, I had a dream about eating walleye. I dreamt that I was eating walleye, and I got a bone stuck in between two of my bottom front teeth. I was picking the bone out and as I was doing this, the two teeth came out and left me with a bleeding, sore mouth. I was in Duluth at my parents' home in my dream and I remember I was using the kitchen phone to call my dentist office (the one I went to growing up) to try and get my teeth fixed. In the meantime, the bloody spots that were left in my mouth wouldn't quit bleeding. LOL. All because of that damn fish bone.

So imagine my surprise and amusement when, Monday morning, CJ informed me that he had talked to his brother, Corey , and we would be going over to Corey and Jill's that afternoon to have a walleye fish fry. LOL. Yes, it was pretty ironic. The fish was delicious, but you can bet your bottom dollar I was anal about checking for bones.
My SIL (sister in law) Jill also told me that she used to have dreams when SHE was PG about losing her teeth. I wondered what that may have symbolized, as some may say that dreams represent something more.
This is what I found :

teeth - Falling out: Loss of control over certain aspects of one's life. Powerlessness, unable to influence things or the outcome of things important. Loss of self-esteem in a situation or a chronic problem.

Now, I am not sure if there really truly IS a meaning here, but I guess there could be a few reasons I'm dreaming about losing teeth. Another site I found mentioned my lack of control and worry about my appearance --so I guess one could say that 1) I'm worried about my body image, as I lose my waist and tummy to the PG bulge, and 2) that maybe I'm worried about the PG, as I have no control over any of it and what may happen. Or, it may have something to do with work, as I am back full time now, and it is a BUSY work year already, with lots going on.
Discuss amongst yourselves.

Last night, I was overcome with worry again that something might happen. I'm not sure why, but I was suddenly sad and scared to death that Keifer might not grow as he/she should and maybe I could lose him/her. Do not ask me where that came from, but it was weird.

I went to bed OK, but again, had STRANGE and funky dreams. This time, I dreamt that my mom was using drugs (oh mom, you'll love this one). She was running around (again, in my childhood home), and sneaking around getting high. Get this: the drug she was using was called "Hail". It was smoked similar to I guess a water bong, but it was a metal thing shaped like a toilet paper tube, and she put the drugs into that. I was so pissed off at her in my dream for doing drugs, and she disappeared for awhile in it. While she was gone, I was with my dad and two of my old friends, and my dad was filling me in on how the family had tried to get my mom into rehab for her "Hail" addiction, but she managed to outsmart them. When my mom came back, I kept trying to slap her across her face to tell her to STOP the drugs, and I was yelling at her that she could NOT see Baby Bongo if she was doing drugs and I kept crying.

So strange. Of course, I woke up all freaked out and with a headache. Too much thinking and worrying, I guess, about Baby Bongo's grandma's addiction to "hail". LOL
I hope my dreams get cheerier in the near future!

Researching out in the field

For the past 3 Sundays, CJ and I have gone stroller hunting. Every week, we come home with different ideas of what we are going to want. I think finally this week CJ understands what we will be using our strollers FOR, and why mommy will eventually want 2 strollers. One for the everyday walks, shopping, etc.. A stroller that is lightweight, easy, and infant car seat compatible. He must realize Keifer is due in April and we do have to walk our dogs daily at least 2-3 times a day. A good stroller is going to be a must. I also want to look into a good "all terrain" stroller , because we will be visiting the dog park quite often. Good wheels and durability for a few years is a must on my list.
So far, we've gone through MANY decisions of what we think we may want. Last Sunday, I came home and CJ asked me to do a poll on my message board, inquiring as to what the important features on strollers are to the mamas that have experience.
I think this week we've got it narrowed down. I think the Zooper Waltz is coming in first, with the Inglesina Zippy a close second. The guy who helped us tremendously today at Baby Grand, was SO helpful in showing us the features on each stroller, he didn't push the more $$ strollers on us, and was easy to talk to. He did a fantastic job talking to us for almost 1/2 hour today. He also said that the he and somebody will be going to the conventions for the next year showings , and that the Zooper Waltz MAY be coming out next year here with a child snack tray (which we want, but the Waltz doesn't have now). Fun stuff. It gets CJ and I all fired up. LOL. As for the all terrain, there are many we like, but we've made our decision to NOT worry about that now. We need to focus on the more important items, like nursery and an infant car seat. We've already gotten our crib (my cousin's crib, since her Aubrie will be out of it soon), and my MIL (mother-in-law) Marge found us an awesome antique chest that we will put in there as well.

I also went bra shopping briefly today. We hit Kohl's because CJ had a gift card from last Christmas to use (this boy rarely buys clothes and it too picky for me to just come home with some). So we picked him out three shirts, and since Kohl's was having a sale (Imagine that, I say sarcastically), my favorite Jockey bras were on sale. I tried one on and it was like putting on a piece of heaven. Oh My. I knew the girls were growing, and that my bras have become uncomfortable, but putting on the next size up was like sliding into a soft, down filled, cozy warm bed, just made for me. LOL. I told CJ finding a bra that feels this good on the girl is the most important piece of clothing on my body. I asked him to compare how I feel with my old bras to him wearing a pair of undies that pinch his balls. Not very comfortable? No, he didn't think so. LOL The part that REALLY got my motor running, was that we spent over $50 on CJ's clothes, so we got $10 to spend there anytime between this Tuesday and the 13th of September. YAY! So with the bras being on sale, and the $10 free we have to use, I can go get another Jockey bra this week for only $10! *heart sings with joy* Is there anything better than a good high after shopping? I think not!

Exercise & Vitamins don't always cut it

This guy makes my blood boil. "Tom apologizes to Brooke". ONE YEAR LATER. Gee, I wonder if 1) Katie "may" be suffering from some post-partum depression, or 2) he knows his career is suffering, so he did this for publicity? I'm willing to think the latter -- as he was recently released from Paramount pictures after a lifetime together, and his popularity has tanked in the past year, since he's become a psycho about everything in his life.

Personally, I don't THINK that Katie had HIS baby. I still am convinced its all a publicity stunt and that she was inseminated by donor sperm. If that is the case, then dammit, be truthful about it. But I don't think Tommy boy knows how to be truthful and vulnerable. Yes, vulnerable. Ever notice EVERY movie of his has him portraying somebody who gets REALLY emotional about something, and in his "softer" moments, he has to get angry and yell alot? He never stars in movies where there ISN'T a climax of some sort. He always has to play the tough guy. Hence, he is scared of admitting something in his life that he has no control over.

The fact that he still refuses to believe in the use of anti-depressant medications angers me. I myself am on anti-depressants. I have a family history of HUGE depression. I'd be crazy to think that I would NOT be affected by it at some point(s) in my life. When CJ and I started dealing with our infertility, I knew I'd be at even more risk for problems dealing with the depression. In May, 2005, during a routine PAP, my OB Addie asked me how our journey in making a baby was going. I burst into tears and she told me about a workshop she had just attended, where the speaker was telling all OB's that if they have patients dealing with infertility, they SHOULD be talking about medication for depression. Studies have shown that mommies who give birth after dealing with infertility are at higher risk for post-partum depression. When Addie suggested I go on something to help with my depression and moods, I said OK. It helped. A lot. When I skipped 2 days doses due to my laziness in getting my prescription filled, I could tell. I had a panic attack. It was horrible. So now I don't dick around with my meds. My chemical make up in my body does not allow for my own body to process life normally without the help of the medication I am on. I've talked at length with my OB, my RE, and a psychologist about this. I am OK with the fact that I am taking this while PG. We've done the research, and my sanity and health and mental well being is first and foremost, so Keifer will have a happy mama.

So screw Tom and his "exercise and vitamins" theory. I wonder if he's getting hit by the depression fairy? Ever look at he and Katie's eyes in the pictures of them together lately? They are NOT happy campers. I judge people's happiness (in the trashy gossip rags) by the happiness in their eyes. I had Jessica and Nick split up AGES before they announced it, simply by looking at the light in their eyes in pictures. The light was gone. It's gone in Tom and Katie's, too.

The treadmill dance

So as I've written in the past, music is one of my passions. I love listening to it, and get excited when I hear about or see some new musicians.
I stumbled across a band called OK Goes today -- and apparently they have a super cool video for their song "Here it goes again".

Get this. They are doing a dance on treadmills! It is SO COOL! It seriously reminded me of the choreography of my high school danceline days! You have got to take the 3 minutes and watch this: Click here to watch!

Flashback to pure love and generosity

I wrote back in July, July 11 to be exact, about the love of my fellow prayer warriors on my message board. THE message board. The one where I met my egg donor - Mooshie/Michele. I thought I would share with you, the night that she presented CJ and I with the cards and money that we were so lovingly gifted.

**Warning:: you must have a Kleenex/Puffs/Generic box of tissues present to watch**


Here is the night *CLICK HERE*

and here is the blog entry to recap.

9 week check in

Here we are, another week gone by, and already the calendar and books tell me that I am 9 weeks along! One of my books tells me that the embryo is now considered a fetus, and is about the size of a medium green olive.

Babycenter.com says: How your baby's growing: Your new resident is nearly an inch long barely the size of a grape and weighs just a fraction of an ounce, but he's poised for rapid weight gain now that his basic physical structure is in place. He's also starting to look more and more human. His embryonic "tail" is now completely gone and his body parts including organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear.His eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. He has earlobes, and by week's end, the inner workings of his ears will be complete. His upper lip is fully formed, too, and his mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The tips of his fingers are slightly enlarged where his touch pads are developing. All major joints his shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees, and ankles are working, enabling your baby to move his limbs. As for his heart, it has divided into four chambers now, and the valves have started to develop. External sex organs are there, but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks.

This week has been a bit tougher, as I went back to work on Tuesday, after my summer of "IVF success". The days themselves aren't bad, but in the AM, I am pretty sick to my stomach, and I find the shower the main culprit. The heat of the steam tends to make me gaggy, even when I keep the water temperature at a cooler degree, and keep the fan blowing and the doorway open. I huff and puff my way around, taking breaks to breathe and eat. Of course. Once I get to work, the tremendous amount of work keeps me busy and on the go - I actually think I got more exercise in the past 4 days then I have in one full month! Walk walk walk, that's all I do -- between rooms and up and down stairs. And the kids haven't even STARTED yet! Oye.

I came home Tuesday night feeling fine, just tired. My naps have been few and far between this week. I started getting the white lights in my vision as I was lying on the couch, whispering sweet nothings to Sassy (whom is VERY ticked at me for going back to work and leaving her home alone all day with her big fur brother). I usually get the white lights, like you've looked at the sun and now you can't see -- when a migraine is about to strike. I've been lucky; I haven't had a migraine in months. But sure enough, one hour later it hit full force. I napped most of the night away and was fine the next day.
My clothes are feeling very snug this week as well. I just feel like I look pudgy/fat, with a roll of pudge right at my waistline. Capri pants I could wear in July weren't able to be zipped yesterday, forcing me to break down and wear a pair of my new maternity capris I picked up this weekend on clearance. They were comfortable, but I can see where by the end of PG, wearing NO pants will be desirable *(snicker)*.
We have a three day Labor day weekend ahead of us. I plan on sleeping as much as possible, and resting and spending time with my poor fur kids, who can't understand when I tell them mommy has to work to help buy them their new toys! LOL.